America Russia News

November 28, 2002 America News, Washington D. C.

Bush Attacked by Turkey Planned as Gift to Putin

Six Legged Genetic Engineered Turkey

President Bush just returned form Russia where he meet several times with President Putin. As a gesture of good will the President was going to send Mr. Putin a present.

As November 28 is Thanksgiving Mr. Bush planned to send a Turkey.

At a press conference to send the Turkey off to Russia Mr. Bush was attacked.

Apparently the Turkey has been raised on growth hormones and a special meat diet.

Mr. Bush informed Mr. Putin that the Turkey will not be sent.

Instead the Turkey will be executed in an electric chair. Mr. Bush was quoted as saying, "I going to fry his ass for biting me in the balls."

The FBI made the Bin Laden tape then passed it to the al-Jazera TV Station.

At a news conference the FBI confirmed that the New York Times story (November 27 th) was true, that they made the tape.

FBI news conference with Agent Siller

The White House requested the tape be made. It was done they say as part of a "sting operation" to lure Bin Laden associates out of hiding.

However it is suspected it was done to insure that US congress and Senate approved the Homeland Security Bill.

Agent Siller was asked by a reporters if the FBI thought Bin Laden was alive. Mr. Siller answered, "Could be, we really don't know, and actually the White House needs to tell us how to answer that question."

The FBI agent gave the story to the New York Times in a November 26 th meeting.

An America Russia New(ARN) photographer took this picture of the FBI agent. The ARN photographer stumbled on the meeting by accident.

FBI agent who ratted on the FBI

American Russia News Editor said there are no truth to rumors that ARN has been trying to steal stories from the New York Times.

It was purely a coincidence that our reporter and photographer were at the Times Square at 4 AM when the meeting occurred.

Russia's Guy from Hell

"It is just another one of Satan's lies, right? Like when he said the Soviet Union broke up, right? It's lie Satan isn't it? It's true?"

"Well you know I used to be very anti-communist. I used to think the only good communist was a dead communist, even former communist.

Now however I am surrounded by lots of communist, here in hell. Some of them are my good friends. Seems like I had more in common with them, than I realized. So whatever is best for those former commies is okay with me."

Today a new TV show premiered. Two young men who have evaded the draft by paying bribes get the chance to win  $10,000.

They are questioned by a panel of judges who try to guess the value of the bribe paid to a local draft board.

The panel questions each contestant about family background, income, intelligence and who they know.

Prizes are determined by how wrong the Panels' guesses are. The winner gets the $10,000. The loser has to report to duty immediately after the show.

Let's Talk Turkey! Just in time for
Thanksgiving, the Blabberball Turkey® is
the first turkey that tells you when it's ready - and when it's not. Implanted heat-sensitive sound chips provide verbal warnings, like: "Not yet, Sparky," "Eat me now and you'll get really sick," and "Help! I'm on fire!" In most frozen food sections

Due to a manufactures defect all Blabberball Turkey were recalled. The Turkeys were determined to be rude and offensive.

When the turkey reaches a temperature of 15 degrees in the freezer, the sound chip says "Eat Me".

This offended several shoppers and lead to the wrongful arrest of several innocent male shoppers. .

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