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Volume 4              10/13/2002        Russia's Finest News SourceTM
Dedicated to George Bush, Vladimir Putin, America, Russia, humor, satire, and World Peace
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October 12, 2002 Census is expected to show Russia has lost 4 million population, Government proposes new ideas. President Vladimir Putin played the model citizen Wednesday, taking part in the national census to persuade the suspicious population that their participation was vital.

The census is expected to provide data on Russia's drastic population decline. According to the State Statistics Committee's latest estimate, 143.4 million people live in Russia, a drop of about 4 million from 1989.

The Government has come up with numerous ideas to stop the population decline. Some of these are:

Mandatory conversion to Catholicism in test areas. Catholics tend to have more children than other religions. The Vatican has offered financial assistance to do this.

Vatican spokes person citing its success in South America in overpopulating several countries, notably Brazil.

Development of condoms that allow semen to pass but not the Aids virus. A special smart latex rubber has been developed. It only allows semen through.

Special TV channels that show pornography. This is being done in Sweden and several other countries.

The Government said they are still studying the problem and expected to present proposals to the President within six months.

October 13, 2002 Bribe Inflation , rocks Russia Economy. Stops Investment Plans of New Jersey Mafia.

A representative said "We had planned to back several organization financially. However the cost of doing business in Russia has gotten too high.  So we are going to step back and wait a year and see if President Putin can get bribe inflation under control. We are used to bribing just a few high key people not everyone."

Seven out of every 10 encounters with the traffic police result in a bribe. That compares to six out of every 10 encounters a year ago, the anti-corruption watchdog Transparency International, Indem think tank and Monitoring.ru polling agency said in a stinging report.

 

The frequency of bribes being offered to judges and other court officials has jumped from 26 percent to 47 percent. The average bribe for a university official has shot up from 4,300 rubles ($140) to 10,000 rubles ($330)

But the amount of money offered under the table is largest in Moscow and the surrounding region and Nizhny Novgorod, the report said. About 230 billion rubles ($7.5 billion) is expected to be spent in bribes in Moscow this year, or 30 times the national average. The average bribe in Moscow amounts to $5,000.

 

 

October 13, 2002 WASHINGTON, DC—In a chilling development, the CIA announced Monday that it has acquired evidence that Iraqi agents are engaging in what appears to be high pressure telemarketing.

"This picture, obtained from a credible third-party source shows a sales conference being conducted by Saddam. This group of Iraqi Agents later were recorded making phone solicitations for vacation-home rentals, long-distance phone service, magazine subscriptions, and a vast array of other products and services," CIA Director George Tenet said at a press conference.

These calls are directed at Federal Employees.

The basic plan is to sell key Federal Employees as much as possible, exercise equipment, DVD, Magazines, etc. Once they are in debt they would be approached with an offer to pay off their debts in exchange for information.

In one cases high pressure Iraqi telemarketers sold one Federal employee, 10 TV's, $10,000 home repair job, and 100 magazine subscriptions. The Federal employee was approached shortly afterward with an offer to pay off the debt.

October 4, 2002 First Chevy-Niva Rolls Out of Tolyatti, Central Russia -- General Motors and AvtoVAZ launched the biggest combined project by Russian and global carmakers on Monday, officially beginning production of the Chevrolet-Niva sports utility vehicle.

"We want to see the Tolyatti plant produce high-quality vehicles and become as efficient as any GM facility in the world," GM chairman John Smith said as he unveiled the new production facility at the giant AvtoVAZ plant some 1,000 kilometers southeast of Moscow.

However there are major problems. A  Chevy-Niva employee claimed that 99 percent of parts do not fit or are damaged and have to be sent back to the supplier.

To get vehicles off the line GM - AvtoVAZ must use some defective parts.

Both General Motors and AvtoVAZ claimed the problem was not that severe.

However they said they are taking extreme measures to improve quality and insure consumer safety.

A spokesman said we are having all cars blessed before sending out of the plant. This is to reduce the potential for severe injury and death if an accident occurs due to defective parts.

 

 

 

 

Priest blessing Niva GM SUV as they come off the assembly line

The Russian Orthodox church refused to comment when contacted.

We hope to give a different look at the news. A little humor and satire, somehow related to America, Russia, George Bush, Cheney, and Mr. Putin.

The official site of Mr. Putin, no this is the satire,  unofficial site Mr. Putin, the official Mr. Bush Site, and not so official  satire site Mr. Bush site. We may be got confused?

All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. Hey, we admit it, we just make up stuff.  Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 2002 AMERICA RUSSIA NEWS  See Disclaimer

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